I come from a violent family. Violent in their words, violent in their emotions, and Yes, violent in their actions.
I moved to PA because my younger sister punched me when I told her she couldn't yell at me anymore. I stopped talking to my mother and older sister when my older sister had her boyfriend threaten me to the point of calling 9-1-1 and my mother told me I was over reacting.
Now to be thousands of miles away from them (ok, more like 1700) I have a new take on my childhood. I see many others on a daily basis fighting. Screaming, hitting, hating themselves and taking it out on others. I feel SO powerless. And I am. I can't barge in on their tantrums because that would only fuel it more.
I feel like a coward for staying in my apartment, being online to create an income for my family. Instead of hunting down the sound of the young child crying and the parent yelling. To put it bluntly, I hate myself and yet can't seem to find a solution that wouldn't endanger my own son from their rage.
So here I sit. (Well stand) Staring at this computer screen pondering. How? How, Cyi, can you respect yourself and change the lives of other victims of violence?
*sigh* I resign to living my life OUT LOUD. Violence is not the way. Leave it behind. I have. May my life's journey turn into a path for others to find peace.
That is all I can think of to do.
Good for you! I came from a violent family also. Watched my dad almost choke my mother to death in front of my brothers and sister. We ran down the street to borrow a neighbor's phone before 911 was invented.
ReplyDeleteMy dad left when I was 15, but the scars remained until I finally gave my life totally to Jesus. He has changed me and is still changing me.
I can no longer be around my caustic family for long periods. I have set boundaries. Yes, I miss them. However, I must have positive people that walk in love around me.
Blessings on your journey.
Mike Hanes
http://www.thesecretofsuccess.com
Congrats to you Mike!
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to get away. The fear of being 'all alone' is very common among violent families. My aim with my blog (www.leavetheviolence.blogspot.com) is to help show others that they are not alone.
Boundaries are a great thing, I applaud you for setting them!
Create yourself a great day!
Cyi ^_^