Stretching

I've always wanted to do the splits but every time I go to stretch out… I find something else to do… usually laying there wondering why I'm not stretching.

I started a routine to do push ups. First wall push ups then table push ups. I did great! My arms were sore, I felt like I was breaking through a physical barrier, and only once was I not able to meet the required sets…. Then chair push ups came. I could do them, they were a bit more difficult but I could shake my way through it…. Only I didn't. I just started avoiding doing pushups.

You can check YouTube- I recorded them. I thought "Hey, I can motivate others while holding myself accountable too!"

Not a chance.

So today (March 23, 2010) I'm laying on the floor with my legs up on the wall. (Jono showed me this technique for increasing blood flow) I started with 1 leg, then did the other. That wasn't a real stretch for me so I decided to do both legs.

YOW-ZAH!

That sure stretched my feet, calves, thighs, and butt. That’s when it started. I thought that I should leave, stop what I was doing. Just GET AWAY!

I was confused. Why did I want to stop? I was finally getting a good stretch going! But the thought continued. So I forced myself to lay there until the thought changed.

Finally, a small memory of being in a living room. Then it all made sense to me- I don't do anything that reminds me of when my father 'spanked' me.

First thing you need to understand is that spanking was not enough for my father- he wanted total humiliation as well. He'd gather all the family members into the living room and state my 'crimes'. (Some that I remember were being late to the dinner table, leaving the tv on when I went outside to play, and low grades. Only once do I remember telling him I got a D. Never made that mistake again!) He would proceed to tell me how stupid or bad or shameful I was and that his only option was to 'teach me a lesson'.

Second thing to understand is the positioning of my body. He would sit on the lazy boy lounge chair with his legs together. I had to bend over his legs "of my own free will" to take each spank. Sometimes he'd even have me pull my pants down to my ankles. (yes, even in front of my step brother and his friend) If I stood up- he started over again. From 0, not 1. Some spankings went into the triple digits.

So try it now, put your feet together and bend down to touch your toes. Feel that stretch along your legs and the rush of blood into your head? That's what I am terrified of.

Third thing you have to understand is that when I say spanked- I mean beat until I could not sit OR stand. Until my butt was bruised with his hand prints and I cried in pain for days afterward whenever I had to pee.

After my roll over accident when I was 19, I saw a chiropractor that explained to me how muscles hold 'memories' in the form of electrical currents. He explained that when he works on clients for the first time, he is opening up pathways that have been blocked for a long time. With the pathways now open, the electrical currents can now get through- even if they were years old.

So I now understand that my stretching is allowing the old memories of 'get away' to come through.

What a relief! Here I thought I was just too darn lazy for my own good. ^_^

Time to go back to the wall and put my legs up. Thinking to myself "These stretches are good for me. Thank you for wanting the best for me when I couldn't help myself. I'm safe now."

And watch for me on YouTube…. I think I can do those chair push ups now.