Why Live 1.1

1 Hurt People Hurt People.

I have learned this over the years- when someone is being hurtful towards me it is because they are the ones hurting. Their actions towards me are usually ignorant or misguided attempts to ease their own suffering. I am not an important factor. 

1.1 “Good” is An Opinion.

There is a popular American saying “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” Which is horrible advice.

People are different and have different needs. What is comforting to me may be very uncomfortable for you. 

As babies we experience this because we must suffer through the ignorance of all those around us 24/7.

 A movie at a “comfortable” noise level for an adult can cause actual hearing loss in an infant. Yet the adult will get angry at the infant when they start to cry in pain. As that child gets older the parent starts to psychologically abuse with the concept of being a “good" kid. Which, it doesn’t take long to figure out, “good" just practically means “give up your own urges, give up on your own desires, and neglect your own needs for the parents whims".

Then we get old enough to visit other houses and we learn that what is “good" at home isn’t at other places. 

For many of us, this questions our entire self image. After all, by this time we have spent at least a decade trying to be “good" so that we can be socially accepted. This is when we have some outside information and can start to form our own opinion of what is “good". Then most of us start to socially reward those we consider “good" in whatever manners we like to be socially rewarded in.

Which brings us back around to that saying “Treat others the way you would like to be treated".

We have all experienced a situation in which we do something, an act of kindness, for another. We are proud of our efforts and want to see the other person’s smiling face at our show of affection. Yet when the event happens, the other person displays negative emotions. Instead of a positive experience,  it quickly becomes an uncomfortable situation. 

Most people will get defensive in these types of uncomfortable situations and then react with negative energy back. I used to be most people.

But I have learned to see the situation not for confusing rejection but for what it is- a miscommunication. 

What I interpreted as a kind act was not received as positive. My affection got lost in translation.

I always anchor myself in remembering that my intention is affection. Therefore, it does not matter the attention (positive or negative) that I get.

“Good” is just an opinion. Therefore, no matter what I go through, I have the option to hold the opinion that “good" is happening all the times that I hold my intention as affection.

At this point in my life when someone tells me that I am not being a “good" anything, I tell them that I honor their opinion and that I will kindly agree to disagree. 

An opinion can be changed.

At one point in my life I saw it as “good" to loudly stand up for myself in social situations. Now, I see it as “good" to calmly recognize that the person attacking my character doesn’t know me but is instead reacting off of a script that they cultivated long before they even met me. 

As a young girl I was told it was “good" to let a man have access to my body whenever he wanted. Now, I see it is “good" to have boundaries about who is allowed to touch my body. 

So the next time you hear someone talk about “good", remember that they really mean “in their current opinion". 

I have learnt to be comfortable not being everyone’s definition of “good". I suggest you try this lesson for yourself.