Why Live 1.12

1.12 Anger in Standards

Anger is a very amazing emotion. It’s powerful and conveys so much more than we give it credit for.

In a way, I appreciate people who can be fully enraged because they are expressing their core beliefs purely. No filter can exist when people are completely committed to being pissed off.

They do say that only 3 types of people tell the truth: children, drunks, and the angry.

I’m comfortable feeling my anger. I see it as a close companion, a bodyguard always protecting my standards. 

While I feel my anger internally, I have learned to express my standards calmly. After all, my standards do not have to be everyone’s standards so it would be pointless of me to try to get others to feel anger when I do.

I’d like you to think of the last time you felt anger. Doesn’t matter if you expressed that anger or not. All that matters is that you felt it.

Try to recreate that feeling of anger while asking yourself “what standards of mine were being violated?”

The answers may surprise you. 

Once, I got incredibly angry at where my coworker had parked our truck. I was totally infuriated and tbh I was also confused.

Why would I get so angry at walking to a different spot?

Since I was able to be curious about the emotion instead of being drowned in my fury, I was able to handle the situation with calm and grace.

I will say it as many times as I need to- the emotion itself is not what holds the power. It is just a message from the mammalian brain to the neocortex.

We hold the power because we decide what internal messages we will believe.

And it is amazing what we will believe!

Think about it.

Every religion ever recorded has rituals that invoke emotion. When we add emotion to a thought, we believe it and protect it because it “feel" right.

Athletes who perform higher than normal because they “felt" the game that day. 

People who get married shortly after meeting because they “felt" it was fate.

Take away the emotion and people lose beliefs in their deity, athletes don’t perform as well, and people once deeply “in love" become complete strangers again.

Never under estimate the power of your emotions. They really are running the show and anger is telling you what your standards are.

So I encourage you to get curious about your own standards. And your truest, deepest standards are revealed when you feel anger. Pay attention and get curious.

Let us go back to my anger at where the truck was parked. I got curious and “observed" my anger thoughts. So I asked my standards. Then the anger thoughts were about having a system that needed to be followed. Again, without adding new emotion, I asked my standards.

This went on dozens of time over the next few days. (I told you, I enjoy being curious about how I operate)

Eventually it focused on how if I “do the right things” then I’m supposed to get the reward. In this particular case, I had dove into getting better and better paying jobs so that mom would let me talk to my son and daughter again without drama.

It was that instance of a misparked truck that led me to realize just how miserable I was working a job and I vowed to start turning my focus towards my real passion- writing.

Do you see what I mean? Get curious because we are some amazing individuals who all have standards that are being violated.

Learn to appreciate the anger messages because anger really is your bodyguard against others (and even yourself) violating your standards.

Once you figure out what your current standards are then you can start to decide if you want to make any adjustments.

Have fun with your life, go get a little angry and see where it takes you.