Why Live 1.14

1.14 What Wounds Did You Accept?

Being an emotional rebel, it has become almost automatic for me to reject people’s attempts to emotionally wound me.

In fact, I think it’s only happened once in my life where I accepted an emotional wound. 

When the father of my children told me he was leaving us to live the rest of his life presenting as a woman, I accepted when he said I was at fault.

Years of emotionally depending on this man, exhausted from raising 2 small kids all by myself, and self conscious about being well overweight… I was wide open for emotional manipulation. 

Compound that with my mother saying she wanted to repair our relationship…only to kidnap my children and tell blatant lies about me to justify her actions…and I was wounded.

So wounded that I wanted to die. For the first time,, I understood my father’s choice.

At the time my inner messages were “I’m a failure as a daughter, a failure as a wife, and now a failure as a mom…what is my purpose?”

Talk about a deep wound! And at the time my only “social support" was the cement slab that I wept on every night. 

At the time, I was not aware that I had accepted a wound. The only thing I knew was that I was confused and hurting and missing my kids and in so much pain that I lost track of the days often.

It’s been 7 years since that wound and I can’t say it’s healed fully. But I am confident to say that I reject that wound now.

My mother and father were unhealed long before I was born- I am a daughter not a miracle worker.

His decision to reject himself and present a lie for his own emotionally unhealed wounds happened long before he pursued me and asked me to be his life partner- I am a woman not his internal messages.

And being away from Aidin and Ilia was absolutely never my choice- I am a survivor who made the commitment to becoming a healthy example for my children.

At the time that I write this, I am the age that my father was when he killed himself. I think of how much life I have experienced these past 20 years and of how much I could have used healthy guidance.

He chose to leave his kids permanently.  I have not chosen to be away from my kids for 7 years. I do not accept the wound any longer.

What wound have you accepted? 

Think about what labels you accept. Do the people around you always introduce you as “the quiet one" or “the jock" or “the funny guy"?

So you “live up to" that label to be accepted by the group…but internally you don’t like how it feels. That is you accepting a wound instead of living your truth.

Do you justify your acceptance your emotional wounds?

Some people start to identify with their pain until the misery of reliving a past pain becomes comforting.

I have seen 70 year old men and women still claiming that something that happened to them 50 years ago gives them an excuse to still be hurting emotionally.

I have learned for myself that the most challenging part of healing is to not allow myself the comfort revisiting past pain.

It is not my burden to carry my past. It is my responsibility to create my values and to follow up with healthy actions. 

No, it’s not always fun and most times very uncomfortable to do all this inner emotional work. I still make my emotional growth a priority. 

I have witnessed people get bitter towards life when the same effort could help them live better.

I am not going to accept my wounds as my identity. They will heal and I will forget about them in a healthy manner.

Are you ready to identify the wounds you have accepted?