Why Live 1.6

1.5 Be Accountable for Healing.

I read somewhere “The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that they all know the right thing to do but only the successful ones actually do it.”

Social media is flooded with positive, motivational memes. 

Chances are good that you know someone who posts all these happy status updates and yet in person they are always complaining about how bad their life is.

You must be accountable for your healing.

You.

No one else can do the emotional work for you.

It’s human nature to conserve energy where possible. And healing emotionally takes a tremendous amount of energy so your body will tell you to rest and your brain will tell you to go do that other activity that makes you happy instead.

Expect this natural resistance and walk through it with the grace of a toddler dominating the inflatable pool during a hot summer.

Have you ever been to a self help seminar where they ask for a volunteer to come up and sit in a chair? Usually an enthusiastic person trots up and sits down. The host then says “ok, now try to stand up"

So they stand.

The host then corrects them “No, you didn’t listen. I didn’t say to stand up.”

Now the standing person looks confused and sits back down.

The host then continues “Let’s do this again. Don’t stand up. TRY to stand up.”

The person usually protests that trying is just a thought. So they continue to sit there.

Which is exactly the point. Trying is an idea. It is only through taking action will you get any results.

And here’s the thing- quitting is rewarded. Your body will feel better when you engage with a distraction. Your mind and mood will lift when you avoid the uncomfortable stuff. Your social network will be happy that you are “fun" to be around.

I’ve seen it first hand that my emotional growth lost me many people.

They refused to talk about self help habits, they would harass me to “smile more" when I was working through something, and they usually tried social manipulation tactics on me to try to modify my behavior back to toxic habits that benefited their comfort zone.

The few I have met again years later are still in the same toxic habits. Still complaining about their life, still struggling with money, still in and out of drama, and still shun people who talk about healing emotionally.

It baffles me why so many act like talking about emotions is a bad thing. To fully feel an emotion then draw a new internal message from it is how we work.

It’s like having to walk through a long hallway that has a bunch of furniture in random places. Most people want to walk through it in the dark, hurting themselves as they hit random obstacles, instead of taking the time to find the light switch first.

From my perspective that’s not “easy" or “better". I’d like to know what obstacles I’m facing so that I can remove them before I get hurt.

Step 1: fully feel an emotion.

Step 2: create a new internal message.

Step 3: adapt new habits that support your new message.

You already work this way! So take conscious control of the process.

Your boss bypasses you for a raise?

Old Step 1- you feel anger and entitlement. 

Old Step 2- you conclude he’s a jersey and this job isn’t worth your efforts.

Old Step 3- you slack off at work.

TAKE CONTROL 

New step 1- you feel anger and entitlement.

New step 2- you conclude that raise is going to be worth any and all efforts to attain it.

New step 3- you put in extra efforts at work.

Note that the feeling stayed the same. The emotion DOES NOT determine your response. It is the internal messages that you create for yourself that hold the power over your actions.