Why Live 1.8

1.8 Pain is a Part of Life.

Not following your urges isn’t any fun. I get that.

Staying in for the evening to learn a new skill instead of going out to spend time with your hot ass crush isn’t going to be emotionally rewarding. I know. Trust me, I do.

But life can be bigger than the endless search for happiness. (Which, FYI, is pointless because it can’t biologically be sustained for long periods of time anyways)

Ask any athlete or master of their craft and they will tell you that pain is a part of life.

Pushing through the discomfort of learning a new language is a different kind of pain than tolerating a person in your life who always verbally abuses you.

I learned that as I began to heal, my tolerance for pain and even the potential for pain became very low. In fact, my brain over compensated by seeing every action as an attack to my character. I became a major loner, not talking to a single person for days at a time.

It took some practice but I have learned how to see when someone is giving me helpful feedback on my behavior vs when someone is trying to manipulate me.

Most of maturing is in learning the subtleties of life.

 For example:

Fresh air is healthy but H2S gas will kill you. 

It’s important you learn the difference. Especially if you work or live near oil fields.

A friend who will hold you accountable is healthy but a person who will always cut you down can kill your self confidence. 

There is pain in taking self accountability for your actions. There is a different pain in learning and continuing new habits. These pains are a part of life and do not need to be avoided.

Avoid the pain of people who betray your trust. Of people who actively try to get others to shun you. These pains are artificially created by unhealed people and you do not need to hurt yourself for them.

Seek out the pain of learning a new skill. Seek out the pain of maturing into a healthier version of yourself.  These pains are artificially created by you and it’s healthy to grow.

Pain is a part of life but the great part is that you get to choose which pains you continue with.

I experience pain as a writer. I’ll get into a project and forget about social engagements sometimes losing friendships. I have word counts and deadlines to meet at the expense of other activities I’d prefer such as reading other people’s books. 90% of my conversations are about my past, current, or next book.

These really do cause me emotional pain and yet I choose them again and again with gusto.

Life will always have pain so start consciously choosing which pains you allow into your life.

You choose by setting boundaries. For example, I miss out on social engagements because my phones are always on silent mode. I can’t have a brilliant idea be interrupted by a spam bot. 

You choose by sticking to your habits. For example, I am not in the habit of entertaining MPIs (Matthew Hussey's term for people who put in minimum possible investment to get your attention) which makes it easy for me to drop people who would just waste my time.

You choose by knowing your priorities.  For example, good gut health is a high priority for me so it’s now easy for me to say no to ice cream or cake.

You really need to wrap your head around the reality that no matter what you choose in life, there will be pain associated with it. 

And you need to take accountability for your ability to take control of the pains in your life.

So learn which pains you absolutely will not tolerate and which ones you want to actively seek out.

Because pain can be a beautiful part of life.