Why Live 2.2

2.2 I’m Not Always Important

When you are in an environment where you’re attacked over everything you do, as a self protection habit, you defend yourself.

All the time.

Over everything.

Even to yourself from your self attacks.

Because you know your needs are important. Being a door mat for everyone else is unhealthy and toxic.

Over the years I have learned that I can still be important even while others are actively trying to socially condition me.

You can attack my character, criticize my actions, call me names, and tell others about how “BLANK" I am.

It’s OK.

Because I’m not always Important.

Someone feeling so insecure in themselves to spread lies about me so that they gain social importance is much more important. 

Like a magician, they want you looking My actions so that they never need to be accountable for their Emotional “slight of hand".

Now, when someone is trying to give me a bad reputation, I value their healing over my need to tell my side.

The next time you catch yourself trying to defend your character, consider responding instead with “I wish you healing". And mean it. Because their issues are much greater than whatever drama they are trying to start.

I have found it a better use of my time to figure out what times I am important. Like having a genuine vulnerability with someone I can trust. In those times I do need to state my fears, my needs, and my desires.

And there are levels of importance that change situation to situation.

If I worked out hard that day, it is more important that I sleep well than write.

However, if I have a deadline due, then it is more important that I write than work out. 

It all comes down to learning yourself,  prioritizing your goals, and holding yourself accountable to your values.

When I am in a group of strangers, it’s not important that they know I’m a writer by obsession. However, if that group tries to isolate someone because of their obsession, then I will absolutely speak up and make it known. I am not important. Standing up for what I value is important.

And it’s OK if you have no clue what you value.

It has taken me a lifetime to figure out mine. And that’s the beauty of it- you have your entire life’s time to figure yourself out, to try out different ways, and to define yourself. 

As long as you’re breathing then you’ve still got time.

History is an amazing took to humble yourself. 

We know that the richest pharaohs of Egypt would absolutely marvel at the toilet that you used today. They would consider you richer than them for having clean water every time you flushed.

Think about that if you’re sitting on your thrown reading this right now.

Or how about history’s great kings of the 1500s marveling at your 20 year old Honda Civic? They would consider you wealthy indeed.

I am not important.

My paid-in-full prepaid phone with it’s cracked screen and scratched back is important because that’s how I type my books when I travel. Someone thinking my phone makes me of a lower status is not a time that I am important.

At a safety meeting when they ask for feedback, I am important with my experience and suggestions.

I’ve also picked up a hand set of sayings.

Try these out sometime.

“I’m feeling vulnerable right now, can I be heard all the way through?”

“I’ve definitely got an opinion but it’s not important right now, I’m actually far more curious about what you’ve got to say"

There are times that you are important, absolutely. 

Just learn that it’s not all the time.

Wish the other person healing (even if it’s your own thoughts attacking you) and dedicate your efforts towards what is important for you to continue to heal and to build your peace.